Epic Coconut
by Mrs. James Phelps77
Summary: Me and about 3 of my other friends wrote this. It's very very random, and doesn't really have to do with anything at all!


She slipped on her average, black-toe nailed feet into her mauve heels, over her ripped fishnet stockings. Hesitating only to glance over her make-up and quickly poof her hair, she left her room, running quickly down the hallway and down the large staircase.

"Guys, are you ready?" she asked, excitement filling her. The two other girls stared at her, thoroughly unsurprised at her behavior.

"Yeah. We're ready". The tallest girl answered.

"Aren't you guys excited? Even a little bit? It is my birthday after all." She smiled smugly.

"Yeah, yeah and you don't look a day over nineteen. But can we just get this over with?" The skinny boy rolled his eyes, grabbing a set of keys from the hook and shoving her out the door. They all climbed into a shiny red Comoro. The boy backed out of the driveway and sped down the street.

"Where do you want to go?" the other girl asked. The birthday girl had not thought about this, she hadn't decided.

"You know, I hadn't thought about that. I was too concerned with what I was going to wear and stuff." She smiled sheepishly.

"great-"

"Smooth move ex-lax" the tallest girl laughed from the backseat.

"Brandin, take us to that one place, the one we went to a few weeks ago."

"Sure thing Katie." He said, turning down a side street and then making a left, getting caught by a red light two blocks up.

"Aw, I thought you were really going to make it this time Brandin." The birthday girl whined.

"Oh shut up Ashley, you are so weird," he mumbled. Impatiently waiting for the light to change and squealed his tires speeding away the moment it did.

Pulling up close to the building, Brandin dropped off the girls and quickly parked. The girls, standing in line waiting to get inside, looked enviously upon these three slim, pale-skinned women. Green, Katie decided, is not their color. Moments later, Brandin walked up to them. Putting an arm around each Katie and Ashley, letting the tallest girl lead the way.

"Here," Brandin said to the bouncer, slipping him a fifty, "this says the pretty little brunette over there is with me." The gruff man nodded, letting the four plus one enter the loud building.

Music shook the club. Strobe lights flashed all over. If you ever had the urge to experience an epileptic seizure, this was the place to go.

"Dude, this place is bloody amazing." Ashley giggled.

"Well your welcome. I'm glad my taste in night clubs is better than my taste in men." Brandin glowered. The girl on his arm looked up at him, confused. He looked down at her, almost annoyed, "What? You couldn't expect a boy who looks as good as I do to be straight, could you? By the way, what's your name?"

"I'm Brooke"

"And I am the birthday girl. You have been selected to party with us tonight Brooke." Brooke's lovely, hazel eyes widened, with acceptance or fear, it wasn't quite clear. But sure enough, it turned to fear as a tall, energized man came running at them, his shirt ready to come off any second.

"Zachie-poo, you started the party without us? You're such a jackass."

"Whoooo! I've been here for an hour. And GOD I am ready to get laiddd! Happy birthday to Ashley? No, more like happy birthday to me!" Ashley frowned at her drunken friend. His light, shaggy brown hair matted on his head with sweat. The lame sex friend was totally going to blow her off!

"You know what Zach? You can just eat a potato and dance around a patch of clovers!" strangely announced Brooke. "Sorry, I thought it was St. Patrick's Day."

"I get that vibe too" agreed Brandin.

"Ditto" Zach started. "Umm, I kind of lost my pants backstage, there's a bowling alley back there."

"I see," said Katie, "you can borrow my extra pair." Katie pulled a pair of pants out of nowhere, which just barely fit Zach, but looked all the more sexy on him. "I always keep an extra pair on me, you know, just in case of bowling alleys." Everyone nodded and made their way to the bar.

"So Zach, have you lost anything else yet?" Ashley asked bitterly, crossing her arms against her chest. "Fuck you." She ended. Katie stared, wide-eyed and mouth open. Ashley and Zach watched her; she looked like she had gone veg on them.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Zach asked, noticing her eyes widening even more.

"Oh my God… He's gorgeous." Katie breathed.

"Why thank you" Zach smiled, flashing his teeth expecting them to sparkle.

"Not you fool. HIM…" Katie spat, turning the two around and pointing. He _was_ good looking, with pale-white skin, and shaggy black hair. He stood talking, no, laughing with two other, VERY attractive men.

"Hey" Ashley exclaimed suddenly, grabbing Katie's hand, smiling hugely. "The one on the left is drinking a banana daiquiri".

"So" Katie shrugged.

"That means he is **great** in bed." Ashley said innocently. Brandin walked up, just in time to hear this information, Brooke still on his arm.

"What does it mean if you are into cosmos?" he asked, sipping one of his own.

"You're kinky," she answered.

"Ah," he replied as he walked away with Brooke.

"Why don't you go talk to them if you are so… intrigued?" Zach scoffed, obviously in a huff.

"Fine, we will. Come on Katie" Ashley sniffed, nose in the air. She grabbed Katie's hand again, and despite protests, stormed off with her in tow.

They approached the trio slowly, not wanting to look like sluts. So loud was the music that the boys hardly even noticed them walk over.

"Excuse me" Ashley addressed them, smiling sweetly. They looked at Katie and her, either smiling or smirking back. " We couldn't help but notice that you three weren't dancing, and we were wondering if you would like to come and converse with us."

"Oh? Well that so does bare the question as to why two pretty things like yourselves are not dancing." The one Katie has gaped at answered slyly.

Katie smiled devilishly. "We asked you first." She crossed her arms against her chest, Waiting, expecting an answer.

"Well we hadn't really seen anything we were interested in." he replied.

Ashley raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Well have you still not seen anything you want?"

"I don't know about my friends here, but I sure have." The brown-haired boy on the left replied, raising his eyebrow back.

"Intriguing, you're English." She replied, her heart skipping a beat. He smiled at her, a dazzling smile.

"Hmm… I am starting to like your proposition more and more girls, take us away! Jacoby, we'll see you back at the hotel…" Katie's preferred boy exclaimed, holding his wrists and arms out as if Katie were to shackle him. "If we take you what makes you think we will give you back? I might be tempted to keep you around for a while." Katie asked slyly, surprising herself with her change in character.

Ashley smiled at her boy of choice and giggled. 'I have to agree." But the boys were already in step with them.

"Who said we would want to go?" The brown-haired boy held his arm out for Ashley.

"I'll see you around Katie." Said Ashley as she abandoned everyone at her own birthday bash.

"Hmm…" Zach sighed, "Did Ashley just abandon us?"

"Yeah, looks like it." Said a surprised Brandin. They both looked at Ashley as she left, knowing she'll be getting a very special birthday gift that night.

"I guess it's just us left." Zach said to the others.

"Forget you! I am going to Taco Bell with Enrico Suarez." Brooke exclaimed as she salsa-ed by with the handsome Latino man wearing an almost buttoned shirt.

"Yeah, and I am leaving with this guy." Katie said vaguely. Zach was awkwardly left alone with Brandin, especially since he started the conversation with: "Looks like we are the only two not getting laid tonight." Brandin looked at him, but it was more of a double take.

"Doesn't surprise me"

"Why," Zach asked

"You are wearing a neon shirt and jeans (from Katie) that start above your crotch and end right past your knees!" Brandin began, "Kinda like capris"

"Any advice" Zach asked, which he regretted later.

"Sure…" Brandin smiled. He pulled off a ninja like move and knocked Zach out (not too hard, Zach probably would have done it sooner or later.)

**The Next Day**

"What the-" Zach started, "where am I?"

"We are going to get you a new 'look'." Said Brandin as he was looking at pants

"Crap."

" You asked for advice, this is the only way I knew you would take it. Plus, it's kinda fun from my angle!"

"Why?"

"Because, there is no possible way you can escape. It's almost like you're a Barbie doll!" Brandin said wickedly, his lips twisting into an evil smile.

"Sweet Jesus, SAVE ME!" Zach cried.

**Somewhere Else**

Katie sat on the couch next to Ashley. They both stared blankly at the television, utterly zoning into 'Real World/ Road Rules Challenge'.

"I _loved_ you party last night." Katie commented quietly.

Ashley nodded slightly. "Same here." Silence followed, hanging in the air, lasting almost seven whole minutes. "So, umm… he's still here." Ashley said slowly.

"Yeah, mine too." Katie replied. "This is so awkward. What are we going to say?" Katie began to panic.

"I don't know. I can't even remember his name," Ashley hissed back, just as distressed.

The boys walked in, sitting, they had the same awkward conversation just moments before.

"Hello," Ashley hummed quietly.

Her boy nodded, "Hi," Followed by silence. It was getting pretty annoying.

"Okay, so I am just going to come out and say this, we don't remember your names, how you got here, or what we did with each other. So we feel really awkward… and I am gonna go make breakfast now… bye." Katie said this all really fast and then practically ran for the kitchen.

"Well, I think I will go help." Katie's boy said trying to keep his cool. Ashley squirmed in her seat.

"Hi"

"Hi"

**In The Kitchen**

The guy followed Katie into the kitchen. She avoided his eyes, feeling bad for forgetting. She opened the cupboard, squinting at the sparseness.

"What are you hungry for?" Katie asked, closing the cupboard knowing its lack of food might look suspicious.

"Dunno, not really hungry at all I guess." He said, shrugging.

"Ah, so what do we do now, um…?"

"Gerard." He said, "I'm Gerard."

"Katie sighed, "I am really sorry. I'm Katie."

"That's okay," he laughed, "wouldn't be the first time something like this has happened."

"How about pancakes? I can make them tye-dyed."

**In The Living Room**(duh-duh-dunnn…!)

Awkward silence ensued, neither brave enough to break it. Ashley shifted, picking at her fingers. "I wonder what's taking them so long," she finally said.

"They are probably snogging or something, If I know Gerard as well as I think I do." The adorable English boy smirked.

"Hmm, snogging… sounds so very Katie." Ashley replied "Oh my god!" She suddenly exclaimed. "I wonder if Zach, Brandin, and Ashley got home okay."

"Those the people you were with?" He asked. She nodded.

"Ow. I don't remember what I did last night but Jesus my fucking neck hurts!" Ashley rubbed her 'head support'.

"Really," the boy smirked "not anything at all, truly?"

"Wait, lemme think… I remember everything up until we got here. I remember breaking out a bottle of wine."

"Oh, well you missed a great night"

"Oops, sorry."

"S'alright… Ashton?" He sputtered out. Gingerly Ashley shook her head.

"Close, but nope. It's Ashley… Daniel?"

"David"

"Sexy…" She muttered to herself.

"What?"

"What!"

"Never mind"

**Mean While**

"I can fly, I can fly!" Ashley Minor announced as she jumped off of a cliff. She immediately began to fall after she jumped. "I can't fly…ahh!"

**THUMP**

"Are you okay," Brooke asked.

"Yeah… Umm is it bad if I can't feel my face?"

"What?"  
"What?"

"Wanna go troll for hot mall ass?" asked Brooke.

"Sure. It might take my mind off the pain. By the way, what happened to Enrico Suave?"

"He wanted to dance all the time. Even after we had crazy-hair-pulling-monkey-sex."

"Story of my life."

"Ditto"

**Flash Forward**

"Wow, I've never seen this part of the mall before." Said Ashley with a confused look on her face.

"Yeah, this is the mole people section. But some pretty hot guys hang out down here too."

"Why?" Ashley asked.

"I. DON'T. KNOW." Brooke replied robotically.

"Oh. Okay. So, let's head back to Brandin's place later."

"Okay!"

**At Brandin's**

Brooke and Ashley approached Brandin's house and rang the doorbell. No one answered.

"I know he is here," Ashley announced, "His car is right there." So they went in anyway.

There was an awkward smell of perfume. They heard evil chuckles in the back room. They went back there to find Zach tied to a chair and dressed like a women. With make-up and everything.

"Kinky," Brooke proclaimed.

"Thanks," Brandin replied.

"Well, catch you later." Ashley said as she and Brooke left.

**In Other News**

The pancakes were served (they were orange), the milk was spilled but no body cried. Everything was going quite smoothly, until breakfast was over.

"So… What now?" David asked, Picking up Ashley's plate along with his own.

Katie jumped up, running into the kitchen and coming back with an old soda bottle. "We could play spin the bottle!" she smiled eagerly. Gerard and David raised their eyebrows, clearly not willing.

"Umm, I don't think so." Gerard grumbled. Ashley nodded in agreement. David just left the room, taking the two plates to the dishwasher. Upon returning he noticed the three sitting in a circle.

"What happened? I thought we just agreed we weren't playing," he said, flabbergasted.

"Yeah, I am very persuasive." Katie shrugged, Gerard nodded in agreement.

"What about you!"

"Well, I decided since I couldn't remember anything, It wouldn't be so bad." Ashley reasoned.

"Ugh! Whatever." He sighed, giving up and sitting in between Katie and Ashley.

"I call first!" Gerard smiled, giving the bottle a slow, purposeful spin. However his plan backfired and the bottle landed, by mere inches, on David.

"Here," David sighed as he awkwardly half-hugged Gerard. The girls smiled, rolling their eyes. Katie spinning it next, it landed on Ashley. Nearly tackling her 'favorite' friend, Katie jumped at her, pulling her by the neck into a suffocation hug. Ashley choked and smiled brightly at her as she let go.

"I luh you." Katie laughed, simply beaming.

"I luh you too…" Ashley smiled back, messaging her throat, and trying to get her wind back. David took the bottle next, landing it on Katie. Gerard and Ashley frowned at this, so David simply rumpled her hair. However, to everyone's surprise, Ashley was the only one who got who she really wanted when she spun.

"How'd you do that?" Gerard gawked as it undisputedly landed on David. Ashley shrugged, "I wasn't really trying. It's like karma."

Just as David was leaning in to kiss Ashley on the cheek, the quartet heard the front door burst open, followed by a deranged Brandin, pushing a tied-up Zach in a wheelchair.

"Zach is beautiful!" Brandin screeched, slinking off to the kitchen. Everyone else sat in silence, staring at Zach, who looked like he would soon have a heart attack or wet himself. He was wearing a delightful yellow sundress, thick eyeliner, fishnet stockings, and the most noxious scent of old lady perfume.

"God, you smell disgusting!" Katie hissed, holding her nose and hiding behind Gerard.

"Aw! He's so cute! Zachie-poo got a makeover!" Ashley crooned, daring to get closer, "You stick like high hell though," she added as an after thought, covering her mouth with her hand.

Brandin emerged from the kitchen then, a large glass of chocolate milk (with a straw) in hand and looking thoroughly satisfied. Burping surprisingly loud, he sat on the couch turning on _Invader Zim._ Gerard and David trembled with fear in thought that they would be next. Ashley sat down next to Brandin, tugging David with her, whilst Katie wheeled Zach onto the front lawn, coming back with a bottle of _FABREEZE_ and spraying the room (by the time she was done ¼ of the bottle remained).

"Lovely." Brandin sighed between two sips of his chocolate milk.

"Yeah, it hides it well." Gerard concurred, curling up on the floor with Katie.

**NOT at the library**

Ashley M. glared at Brooke who was holding a plastic dinosaur.

"What the hell is that for?" Ashley asked.

Brooke laughed and hid it in her coat, "THHEEMM!" She hissed. Ashley raised her eyebrows and backed away slowly. Strangers looked at the smaller girl oddly.

"Don't worry, she is mildly retarded." Ashley assured everyone. Brooke burst out laughing, only proving Ashley right.

"You are amazing! Which you can not spell without _**ZING**_." She smiled, hardcore quoting the other Ashley, but making the statement way cooler.

"HELP" some random lady screamed. "My baby is stuck in a burning building!"

"I'll handle this" Ashley exclaimed, ripping off her suit to reveal a T-shirt, jeans, and a pair of _Stewie Griffin Boxers._

"Quick Ashley, your mask!" Brooke yelled, throwing her an elaborately decorated ballroom mask (which stuck to her face by magic).

"Thanks Brook! **Swoosh!**" she called, flying away with one of those pokey ski things you use whilst skiing.

"Awesome pokey thing Captain SHIT with a brick!" a random pedestrian commented.

"Thank you stranger." Ashley thanked, trying to conceal her voice but did a poor job of it. Ashley twirled the pokey thing, flew into a window (for real this time) and saved like twelve million cats and the baby from the woman's house, but left the fish to burn alive.

"Thank you so much Captain SHIT with a brick!" the woman said as she hugged Ashley with enough compassion to make Satan go out and give money to charity.

"UGH! You smell like _vomit_!" Ashley announced, trying hard not to throw up on everybody.

"I'm sorry I-"

"**I'm** off!" Ashley interrupted as she flew off with Brooke hanging on to her pokey thing.

**Back at the house**

"Uhm, how long do I have to stay like this? I need a shower sometime!" Zach pleaded, still tied to his wheelchair.

"I didn't know Brittany Spears wore a wig now, did you?" Brandin asked Katie pointing to the television.

"I knew, I mean look at that rug, its FAKE!" Katie said, incredibly insensitively.

"Well it's real, it's just not h-"

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?" Zach screamed, hoping to get into the ever-so-glorious shower that will not only get him squeaky clean, but will also be the only memory of that day seeing as he will more than likely black it out.

"Umm…"

"Please?" Zach asked, convincingly.

"Umm. Okay!" Brandin answered. Zach's face lit up with excitement as Brandin untied him. "Besides, I took pictures!" he wickedly announced. "And they have their own myspace account and already have over 1,000 friend requests from creepy old guys!" every one in the room (and in listening distance) gasped.

"Creeps!" said Zach (of course). "At this moment all I care about is if there is enough hot water!" finished Zach before he practically flew up the stairs to the bathroom. Speaking of flying,

Ashley flew through the window with Brooke still hanging on for dear life.

"Guess what I saved today!" Ashley quizzed her audience.

"Um, about twelve trillion cats and a baby?" Katie guessed.

"Yes. But I didn't save those damn fish from burning! Muah hah hah!" Ashley menacingly laughed for about an hour before Zach came downstairs… COMPLETELY NAKED!

"Uh, hello." Brandin said sarcastically.

"We're out of towels."

"In the dryer." Brooke said as everyone stared at his surprisingly defined ass.

"Apple blossom."

**12 seconds later**

When Zach came back the most unexpected thing happened, something that would change their lives forever… Zach put some effing pants on. David nudged Ashley, who uncovered her eyes and went back to watching Invader Zim. Brandin got up again, walking around Zach and into the kitchen. A few moments later he came back with a box of fudge pops.

"Ooh, can I have one?" Katie and Ashley ask simultaneously, noting that he clearly had his name on the box. He handed them each one, clutching the box to his chest protectively. Zach still stood there, a glazed look in his eye.


End file.
